@charliedelta7: I taught my son how to spell beer so he'd stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I'll show my husband the chewed up food in my mouth just so he's reminded of the delicacy and beauty of the flower he chose.
@Laser_Cat: You can tell I come from a long line of hunters the way I cunningly stalk the rare Totino's Frozen Pizza.
@nachosarah: hey joggers instead of those dumb little shorts you should wear batman costumes so I can feel like my neighborhood is protected
@Brianhopecomedy: A conversation between 2 vegans: "I'm a vegan." "I'm a vegan too." "Oh." "So...you're a vegan?" "Yes, I am a vegan." "Me too."