@charliedelta7: I taught my son how to spell beer so he'd stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
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@WilliamAder: Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.
@Amburglar_: Facebook friend: If you can't handle me at my worst, then you- SHUT UP, SHANNON. YOU'RE *ALWAYS* AT YOUR WORST.
@Naked_Superman: Mom: Sorry, I won't be able to come in today. My son's got stuck in the washing machine. Boss: Aw okay. Poor thing, how old is he? Mom: 27