@INandONyourMIND: I tell my daughter she has no idea how lucky she is. When I was 12, I had to use a pay phone and walk 10 miles in the snow to get weed
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@briangaar: Superpower: giving evildoers the hiccups, then on day 23, you throw them off a building but by that point they're just sobbing "thank you"
@joeldanger: I'm not saying she has daddy issues but she only fills out credit cards for the instant approval.
@BradBroaddus: My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
@trojansauce: DATE: *takes a sip of her water* ME: haha ok wow can you tone down the pda you're behaving very erotically