@WheelTod: I tell my kids that thunder means God is shouting; rain means God is crying; and lightning means God is killing Luke Skywalker.
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@jwoodham: Why would America make the bald eagle its national bird when all they do is attack things and fly away and nevermind I think I get it now.
@truegritrumble: ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen.
@jngraphs: Me: Nice new car, boss Boss: Well, if you set yourself targets, work hard, stay focused, next year I'll be able to buy an even better one