@WheelTod: I tell my kids that thunder means God is shouting; rain means God is crying; and lightning means God is killing Luke Skywalker.
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@Cravin4: Pro Tip: On 20th wedding anniversary, giving wife a book called "The Many Benefits of Kegels". Is not a great idea. I know this now.
@SirEviscerate: I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The piñata is unscathed.