@LizHackett: I've studied enough modern theater to know that inviting another couple over for dinner never ends well.
@BrainFumbles: Cop: Know why I pulled u over?
Me: [slams fist on dash] NO, WHY?!
Cop: Settle down sir
Me: [marries, has kids, gives up ambitions]
Cop: ...
@JasonIsbell: If y'all are gonna insist on calling those things "hoverboards," I'll be over here flying around with my "jetpack."
@internetluke: Man down! Send in back up!
*wife comes rushing in the room*
"What happened?!"
*i dip another chip in the salsa to rescue the broken chip*
@thejessbess: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm not so sure what I did, but he sent me a text that only said, "K" so it must be pretty bad.
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