@Dawn_M_: I tell people I broke my neck playing sports but it was actually from flicking my ponytail to unleash ancient curses.
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@WilliamAder: I don't think a single person at the office noticed that I shaved off my mustache. All I heard all day long was, "Where are your pants?"
@TheThomason: New Joker looks like he has the Memento disease and needs a bunch of tattoos to remind him he's the Joker.
@JediGigi: "I'm so lucky to have you."--- Me to my hand. No, it's not what you think. I just watched Hook.
@kelkulus: Female praying mantises bite the heads off males while mating, so if your mantis boyfriend shows up without a head, he was cheating on you.