@JessObsess: I tell people I'm narcoleptic so if I fall asleep when they're talking to me I don't seem rude.
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@markedly: ACQUAINTANCE: So funny seeing you in the grocery store ME: Yeah ha ha *opens door in freezer section* well this is me lol see ya
@jewfacekilla: Please leave a message after the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II soundtrack.
@CornOnTheGoblin: ? Hey there Delilah, this is dispatch please come quickly There's a robbery in progress Suspect is white & in his 50s And high on gluuue ?
@ArfMeasures: WEBSITE CEO: We need a fool-proof way to ensure everyone who enters the site is over 18 "What about clicking on a button that says I'm over 18?" WEBSITE CEO: Bob, you have done it again