@JessObsess: I tell people I'm narcoleptic so if I fall asleep when they're talking to me I don't seem rude.
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@bromanconsul: LA girls say they want to go on "adventures" but when I pitch the idea of overthrowing the yakuza they clarify that they meant, like, hiking
@robfee: Frozen (2013) A young girl spends years in solitude & must plan her parent’s funeral alone because her sister is secretly one of the X-Men
@iamspacegirl: [after blowing out all the candles on my cake] him: Did you wish for world peace again? me: haha of course. *A WILD SQUIRTLE APPEARS*
@kelkulus: It would have been cool to see the discovery of salt. "This food tastes bland. Let's see if I can improve it by adding some rocks."