@JessObsess: I tell people I'm narcoleptic so if I fall asleep when they're talking to me I don't seem rude.
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@CurlsOnGirls: I love people who order coffee like they're giving the pass code to a missile defense system.
@Social_Mime: If someone bumps into you while you are wearing camouflage you have no one to blame but yourself.
@slimmy_shady: Retweet if you're naughty! Star if you love Jesus! Reply if you'd like to meet him!
@Eden_Eats: The worst thing about millennial parents is that they name their pets human names and their kids pet names. They be like: "Luna, don't take Josh's cone off, he just got spayed!".