@JessObsess: I tell people I'm narcoleptic so if I fall asleep when they're talking to me I don't seem rude.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@WheelTod: I was so touched last week when a shopkeeper handed my 3yo a donut without checking with me, that today I gave his teen a bag of heroin.
@_The_Man__: wife: im pregnant me: what? im not ready to be a mother we still have petty arguments wife: im the mother me: this is what I'm talking about
@NikiWithIssues: You can't give me a mini fan at work and expect me not to spend the whole morning pretending I'm a model doing a photo shoot. It's science.