@JessObsess: I tell people I'm narcoleptic so if I fall asleep when they're talking to me I don't seem rude.
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@TheDjinnTrials: Twitter is an invention created by aliens so we don't notice the period of time missing when they take us for experimentation.
@girl_a_whirl: [invasion] *aircrafts dropping from the sky *explosions everywhere *mass hysteria Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?
@Tmoney68: *the fog lifts* *the fog eats a high protein-low fat diet* *the fog does cardio* *the fog is fit af*
@AudreyPorne: spin the bottle, except you have to murder the person it lands on her: this is a baby shower