@chuuew: I tell people "I'm not looking for anything serious" because I'm hunting clowns.
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@pleatedjeans: [house being raided] [swat guy crashes through window, lands on slip n slide I placed there for this exact reason and slides out front door]
@MarfSalvador: Derek: You wanna go out again some time? Stephanie: Sure, name the date! Derek: Ok, how about 'Derek & Stephanie 2'
@phranqueigh: "You're not like the other girls." "Yeah, that's pretty much how this works. We're literally all different ones."
@BraandoCommando: [first time picking up the tab] her: don’t forget to leave a tip me: ah yes *scribbles ‘don’t do drugs’ on receipt*