@IamEnidColeslaw: I tell people my parents are divorced, but technically we lost my mom in a corn maze
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@The_Grant_Boldt: Girlfriend: "babe it's hot I need a fan" [Boyfriend starts taking pictures with her and BEGGING for autographs]
@Tmoney68: Isaac Newton was the pride of the family until his great great grandson Fig was born.
@JB4Realz: I can't take my dog to the pond because the ducks keep attacking him... Guess that's what get for buying a pure bread dog.