@IamEnidColeslaw: I tell people my parents are divorced, but technically we lost my mom in a corn maze
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@Fred_Delicious: "my dad works at Nintendo" "No he doesn't ur such a liar" *Donkey Kong walks in & takes off his hat & coat* "Hey sport, good day at school?"
@topaz_kell: [job interview] Interviewer: "Do you have any questions for me?" Me: "How strong is the wifi signal in the restroom?" Interviewer:
@adamhess1: So if Humpty Dumpty is an egg, what species is the thing inside him? Another egg? "No I mean do you have any questions about the job?"
@GrillinChillin9: The brake is on the left, the gas peddle is on the right, & the liquor store is 4 miles ahead. -Me teaching my 3yr old niece how to drive