@aka_fatman: "I tell you, this car runs like a dream!" I change gears and the gearstick turns into a swan. I turn on the wipers & it rains on the inside.
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@philmann: [me narrating a documentary about narrators] "I can't hear what they're saying cuz I'm talking"
@DominicStraw: Barber: What would you like today? Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!
@williamwanton: Therapist: Alright, let's start at the beginning Me: *Sighs* I guess it all really started when I wasn't born a centaur
@ApocalypseHow: Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.