@aka_fatman: "I tell you, this car runs like a dream!" I change gears and the gearstick turns into a swan. I turn on the wipers & it rains on the inside.
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@beefman138: *Gets arrested for making prank phone calls [At Police Station] "You can make one phone call" *Dials random # "Is your fridge running?"
@mcclure111: Men statistically have larger brains than women, which is why men are usually smarter and elephants rule us all from their laser-hovercraft
@birbigs: Alright. It's Sunday. Another Breaking Bad. Or if you don't watch the show, an hour of confusing tweets.
@fro_vo: [wedding] Priest: repeat after me Groom: after me P: ... [to bride] is he serious Bride: no his name is gary