@joeljeffrey: I texted my girlfriend "goodnight, love you" but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now Its awkward, cause he holds my hand during meetings.
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@DurtMcHurtt: Her: Stop stalling and sign the divorce papers. Me: *does "the divorce papers" in sign language* THERE I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY
@jeff_ratfamily: A ladies magazine told me to compliment my wifes booty. So I told her I was glad it wasn't hairy. I need a place to stay
@RykWeston: So, funny story. That Thundercat I shot on my front porch was some dumbass kid in a costume. Regardless, he's going up on the wall.
@VerifiedJayy: Good friends are hard to find. Especially if they stabbed me in the back. In fact you won't find them officer. Stop looking