@Brianhopecomedy: I texted my wife with "ROTFHAHA" & she replied with "LMAO" so I don't think she understands that I'm having a heart attack.
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@thedailymarker: Husband getting dressed: Me: Purple and green don't go together. Husband: It works for the Joker. Me: My point exactly.
@AimeeHelene1: *walks into bank dragging one of those giant checks behind me* *everyone claps & cheers* *hands check over to teller* Check is for $1.00
@SamuelHLowe: It's not working out because we like different things. For example, I like quiet evenings at home, and she likes someone else.