@BlindChow: i texted random strangers trying to trick them into finishing my owl joke
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@iAmDelFreaky: I didn't think a McDonald's Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did... OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
@DonQuickoats: I wonder if they sell tumbleweeds on eBay, as it would be cool to have a few following me around the office wherever I go
@Steelers1972: Hey Verizon, here's an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.
@WilliamRodgers: How to become a Saint 1: Become Catholic 2: Live an exemplary and pious life 3: Perform at least two miracles Or...Just Be Kanye's baby