@Smethanie: I texted someone "hell yeah," but autocorrect changed it to "hell year" because even our phones know.
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@lovemydogduck: I have an eating disorder. I'm about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets.
@MrsTomServo: I like when a restaurant has cloth napkins, 'cause then I can unroll them with the calculated fervor of an assassin surveying his tools.