@Smethanie: I texted someone "hell yeah," but autocorrect changed it to "hell year" because even our phones know.
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@david8hughes: [at the drs] Dr: are you sexually active? Me: yeah Dr: with real people Me [avoiding eye contact & twisting my foot in the ground]: yip
@Chyld: Dear North Carolina, if you let guys marry each other, you'll have more available women in your family to date!
@Mikecanrant: A huge gorgeous butterfly landed on my arm just now. Naturally I screamed and flailed my arms around frantically, but lovely really.
@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters