@Smethanie: I texted someone "hell yeah," but autocorrect changed it to "hell year" because even our phones know.
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@OhHiAlyPie: *bursts into bank EVERYONE DOWN ON THE GROUND *everyone lies down EVERYONE CLOSE THEIR EYES *everyone closes their eyes EVERYONE NAP
@BostonFanJosh: Q: What's the safest place to be during a North Korean missile strike? A: The place they are aiming at.
@jctwritesstuff: I don't discriminate. Love whoever you want. Pansexual is cool with me. I mean, I like pans, I guess. They fry bacon and stuff.
@theshamingofjay: TRUMP: I'm building a wall to keep Mexicans out. AMERICANS: I'm going to Canada if Trump is elected. CANADIANS: We need to build a wall.