@SummerCandyEyes: I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.
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@mortimermaiden: *stares lovingly at photo of wife and child* *bravely runs into a burning house* "It's empty!" some yell "That was a stock photo" others say
@beefman138: "Wow, that's great!" ~ Me, not paying attention, and hoping you didn't just tell me your Grandma died.
@myonlymizztake: I work for the government which means I have to enter 2 passwords in order to print documents that are open to the public.
@OctopusCavemann: Me: Thanks so much for the edible arrangement GF: I sent you a dozen roses Me: oh GF: There’s a lot of blood coming out of your mouth