@SummerCandyEyes: I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.
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@JoshuaHvr: Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I'm Tweeting." Boss: "What's the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
@bourgeoisalien: I like this time of year because I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display
@SadMeterologist: Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married & live together so I'd have to see them every day.