@SummerCandyEyes: I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.
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@ericsshadow: "To prove how much I love you I'm going to eat this entire pizza." That's not what I - "Please stop. Let me do this."
@GimpySunshine: ran out of deodorant this morning, so I spritzed on some windex. Now birds keep crashing into my armpits :(
@Nahdude83: [10 mins into couples therapy] Therapist: I cannot help you two. Me: Let's go, Betsy! See! She doesn't listen! T: GET YOUR DOG OFF MY COUCH!