@AndrewsNotFunny: I think as Canadians we're so nice because we focus all our hatred on geese
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@shadonium: Me: do you love me? Siri: I'm only your assistance. Me: if you don't, I will jump off a bridge. Siri:there are two bridges near you.
@david8hughes: [date] Me, struggling to pronounce things on the menu: I'll just have the chicken nouj- Date: nuggets
@robdelaney: I don’t “take” weed because weed “took” my best friend & trapeze partner Corton from me when we were 17. #ImissYouBrother #SwingWithJesus
@Mr_Kapowski: Real Estate Agent: Do you want to look at the model homes? Me: I'm flattered you think I'm a model but I'll just look at the regular homes