@WilliamAder: I think Diane knows I was her Secret Santa at this morning's office party, because this afternoon I had to borrow my stapler back from her.
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@BigFatNothing: Good cop: you two could go away for six years each for this Add cop: for a total of twelve years between you
@InternetHippo: TRUMP: She’s too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update
@TheBeerGuy_: Nothing scarier than unlocking your phone in front of coworkers and not remembering what the last thing on your screen was.
@ArfMeasures: GOD: *creates ant* I'm so pleased with this ANT: You could say you're triumphANT lol GOD: *creates anteater*