@ShaunRightNow: I think God created marriage so death wouldn't come as such a disappointment.
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@mattZillaaaa: Saw a young couple holding hands today & it reminded me that I need to buy a bottle of vodka
@kumailn: Donald Sterling saying racism is not a problem is like mosquitoes saying malaria is not a problem.
@bornmiserable: if you love someone, set them free; now you don't have to buy anything for Valentine's Day
@murrman5: *texts son "dont say me" as wife heads to his bedroom* wife to son: why did you put next years date on your science paper about time travel?