@Michael_Erhart: I think I can speak for everyone when I say that I am a ventriloquist.
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@WildeThingy: Boss "I'm looking for a volunteer." Me *chops off own legs "I can't!" Co-worker "I'm busy, sorry." Me "damn, that's a better excuse."
@ElleOhHell: I'm sorry, this suitcase is overweight. You're gonna have to take some stuff out and put it in a different bag so the plane doesn't crash.