@Marlebean: I THINK I DRANK TOO MUCH SWEET TEA AND I'M SO AWAKE AND NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO BE AWAKE AND YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVEN'T DONE IN A WHILE, LUNGES!!
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@UnFitz: Me: Accept your flaws. You’ll feel better. It worked for me. Her: You accepted your flaws? Me: No. I accepted your flaws.
@dru0887: When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and immediately break down crying
@boring_as_heck: "hey we use animals for literally everything else in our lives. lets use our feet for cars." idiot flintstones. no wonder you're extinct.
@AndyAsAdjective: [my kid, literally every school morning] "I hate mornings. I'm not getting up" [1st day of summer vacation] "dad, can we watch the sunrise"