@mrsmith196645: I think I married someone else's soulmate. I wish they'd come get him.
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@fred_dog: Do you know how many poisonous apples I'd have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
@carlyken: [lawyer whispers to plaintiff] two can play this game "Your honor. Upsexy." Judge: what's upsexy? "that's harassment. move to change venues"
@weinerdog4life: Whenever you ride an elevator with other people, it's best not to mention your imaginary friends even if someone is standing on Carl.