@ryaninco: I think I put the roofie in the wrong driiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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@ChaseMit: "Can we stop for a second? I forgot everyone's names again." - me, if I was a character on Game of Thrones
@Douchekevin: At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that's not my wifes phone number at all. She's zero fun today
@caribbeanaj: I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.