@UGotMeRight: I think I'll go to church this morning. I need to repent all my sins & pray for the neighbors wife to covet me.
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@SolelyB: My husband is going to be so surprised when he finds out the woman I've been sleeping with is way hotter than his girlfriend.
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I love a man who likes to get a little crazy. ME: *trying to impress* I'm a psychopath.
@CelebrityGaucho: [Spelling bee, to clench victory] "O,P... (hesitates) A,W,E,S,O,M,E." Judges? (Opossum judges whispering for a bit) Correct.