@Fred_Delicious: [Getting waterboarded] "Um, sir the subject isn't responding to interrogation, he's just getting bigger" [Me, a sponge] "MwahahaHAHAHAA"

@SpokeAna: One of the lights in my bathroom is out. I look at least ten years younger.

@sachinsebastian: I work 24/7 - which is about 3.42 hours.

@Qu4rtKn33: Women who draw in their eyebrows are making a serious decision about what mood they're in for the rest of that day.

@Stellacopter: If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.