@HotlinkStrahota: I think I'm gonna make a bracelet that supports getting rid of bracelets that support stuff.
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@SamGrittner: *opens up briefcase in court, revealing snakes* "Wait. Then that means-" [cut to my nemesis waking up surrounded by my opening statement]
@calluptome: Everyone complains about the weather but noone's sacrificing a virgin to change it either.
@koalaslament: I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they're in the middle of a race.
@SteveSuckington: I can't figure out why my son hates me. Tim hates you? No, my other son. I can't remember his name. I just call him "not Tim"