@HotlinkStrahota: I think I'm gonna make a bracelet that supports getting rid of bracelets that support stuff.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I'm supposed to find out more about my hero for school. Me: Aw, you came to me. 5: Yeah. Can you tell me more about Batman?
@Sickayduh: Hey girl are you a Sony Pictures movie because I wanna [end of joke redacted due to foreign pressure]
@lecalabara: Hide all your naughty entertainment on VHS. Even if your kids find it, they will not know what to do with it.
@Storminika: Me: 'Why are you going through my phone?' BF: 'Do you have something to hide?' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'