@Eightinchgoat: I think I'm gonna shave my legs so that there's less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
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@CheryeDavis: The Police come right away when you tell em your baby is locked in the car... They don't however think it's cute to call your phone baby..
@RexHuppke: God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony.
@ArfMeasures: SURGEON: I'm afraid that your Grandma is very critical ME: Oh no SURGEON: She *starts to tear up* she said I have a stupid haircut