@Mel__Lynn__: I’m listening to an actual cat fight outside my window and for a second I thought twitter had audio.

@ch000ch: a fun game to play at the zoo is to walk hurriedly past a person and say "they've escaped. don't run. just walk very fast."

@Browtweaten: PA System: Attention shoppers, the store will be closing in five hours Sloth: Uh oh

@jonnysun: ME: woud u be open to adoption? HUSBAND: yes [later, at the adoption agency] ME: yes hi, i'd like to put my husband up for adoption

@markedly: Many people that appear "cool" actually struggle with feelings of inadequacy. Not me. I have those feelings without appearing cool at all.