@DearAnyone: I think it's fun that witches chose brooms to fly on, but if I were them, I'd fly on a rifle. This way when you land you have a rifle.
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@shutupmikeginn: I just ran into my high school bully and it was great cause I'm doing well and he's 17 which is very old for a dog
@atanya1111: "Sorry, her father is a pterodactyl" - me with the screeching baby in the grocery store.
@CheryeDavis: Saw a guy walking down the street talking to himself, hand gestures and all...So I did the right thing, stopped and told him about Twitter.
@skullpuppy11: The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower was the way it covered it's eyes when it saw me.