@roxyisrad: I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around on random things.
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@Easy_Tiger__: People who take things literally on twitter, stop. Wait. First take this tweet literally, then stop.
@daemonic3: [starbucks] One tall iced latte please "Ok, can I have a name?" Well ok but it really should come from your parents
@JasonLastname: They say 9 or 10 is a good age to tell your kid they were adopted, but only IF they were adopted.
@TheBoydP: Protip: If you’re bad at geography and someone asks about an obscure country just say “isn't that where the oiled up Olympics guy is from?”