@roxyisrad: I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around on random things.
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@samfromks: My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar.
@TheToddWilliams: This forest scent air freshener is really working. Three elk have moved into my living room.
@shutupmikeginn: Astronauts are cowards, why don't you stay down here and face earth's problems like a man
@kevinseccia: The new $100 bills are insane. A purple stripe, the hologram thingy, the Ben Franklin that says "kill, kill, kill" as his eyes swirl...