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@Brentweets: I think LGBT sounds too much like a sandwich.
@jnrbtsn: If you open a door for me, I will lick you. Sometimes it's awkward.
@TFriss: If you watch Harry Potter backwards, Voldemort is really good at zapping people back to life and turning Harry into a baby.
@Damnsotrue: Spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
@TrueTorontoGirl: Employee: Everything I eat goes right through me.
Me: Yup, that's how digestion works.
@PaperWash: me: [gets on one knee]
me: [reaches into pocket]
me: [pulls phone out] don't move there's a Pokemon on your foot