@Brentweets: I think LGBT sounds too much like a sandwich.
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@Emma_HumbleBea: When my cat has an accident on the carpet, he hides to escape responsibility. It's a, "shit and run".
@VodkaThursday: What I learned from watching Star Trek: Nothing. I've never watched Star Trek. I am popular with friends. We don't do that.
@Beerhaze: If I give up my seat for you on the bus, it's my right to stand in front of you and stare down your blouse. I think it's in the Bible.
@abbycohenwl: [marriage counseling] Wife: I just wish he wasn't so clingy Husband: YOU KNEW I WAS A BARNACLE, LINDA