@EliTerry: I think marriage should be between a robot and a spider horse because I'm a retarded man child and this is what I bring to the conversation.
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@peteholmes: "dance like no one is watching, walk like someone is behind you trying to get around you." - ancient nyc proverb
@ArfMeasures: ME: I worked at a zoo for a while THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good memories
@liv_thatsme: If I get nervous for a date, I just imagine the guy in his underpants, sitting on my couch for the next 40 years, & suddenly I'm annoyed
@mrtruthandsoul: No thanks, ads to buy more followers; I get them the old-fashioned way: by telling them they're gonna die and I can save them.