@WhtUReallyMean: I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I'm living in their attic.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
@Chocovania: GOOD COP: The sign on your door says NOTARY NOTARY: Yes? NOT A GOOD COP: *menacingly leans onto desk* Sounds like something a RY would say
@daemonic3: [art store] You do free framing? "With any purchase" Ok, just this pencil and [slides a gun with wife's fingerprints] you know what to do