@Dr_awfulpants: I think my eyes are playing tricks on me. *my eyes hide a whoopie cushion behind my skull*
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@SortaBad: "I'd like to make a large cash deposit" teller: ok, how much do you have? "Wow can't a guy just share his dreams without being pressured?"
@nattylumpo88: Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won't fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
@SomthinBoutSara: Just came to the realization that my ten year high school reunion will be in 10 months. I have about nine days to get married and pregnant.