@Dr_awfulpants: I think my eyes are playing tricks on me. *my eyes hide a whoopie cushion behind my skull*
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@AimeeHelene1: It's just a flesh wound... *looks down at hibachi knives I just pretended I was Master Chef with* *looks at bystander I just chop chopped*
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? SUPER DANCE OFF?? Cop: OH YEAH OH YEAH? Cop: No, not really. There's a warrant for your arrest. oh no
@MummaCrazy: 10 just informed me that exercising releases inner-dolphins. If that's not a reason to exercise, then I don't know what is.
@MartaEffing: [breakup talk] H: Gimme one last chance! M: How can I trust you again? H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!