@Dr_awfulpants: I think my eyes are playing tricks on me. *my eyes hide a whoopie cushion behind my skull*
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@david8hughes: [sees a dog about to get run over] Me [dives toward dog & rolls to safety]: that was close [sees a cat about to get run over] Me: car coming
@adultblackmale: if you told 18 year old me that in 10 years i'd be thinkin about harriet tubman on 4/20 instead of weed, i'd have said "whos harriet tubman"
@ericsshadow: ME: I play for the Philadelphia Eagles. HER: What position do u play? ME: I'm a *thinks back to the only game I watched* wide-retriever.