@LeaMehanna: I think my microwave's broken. I keep pressing the pizza button and no pizza is coming out
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sixfootcandy: Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again. Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?
@hazelmotes1: Son, I grew up in a golden age when the bookstore didn't have an entire section labeled "Teen Paranormal Romance."