@LeaMehanna: I think my microwave's broken. I keep pressing the pizza button and no pizza is coming out
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: What are Nazis? Me: Bad people who we killed a long, long time ago 5: Why were they bad? Me: They kept correcting our grammar
@mrjohndarby: restaurant Waiter: Your coffee Me: Could I have a little spoon please? Waiter: Certainly *delicately embraces me from behind* Me: lovely
@BobWhite1975: 8- Dad, why is there oxygen on earth, but not on any other planet? M- Are you sure you just don't want to know where baby's come from?
@WhaJoTalkinBout: My first subtweet was in the 3rd grade when I added extra glitter to Nathan's Valentine.