@halvewit: I think my neighbor is very sick. I have now seen him putting no less than six of his arms in his garbage over the past year.
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@JP_theAntiHero: Dude turned from the ATM and tripped sending about eight 20s flying into my face. I teared up a little. I get strippers, I get it.
@neiltyson: Mysteries of #Gravity: Why Bullock's hair, in otherwise convincing zero-G scenes, did not float freely on her head.
@JordyHamrick: Just saw a homeless woman try to use a cat as a telephone. She accepted a cigarette in exchange for the cat. Cat is my telephone now.
@causticbob: Someone recently asked me, "What blood type are you?".. I said , "The red runny type".