@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I think my nephew finally figured out that there's no chameleon in this cage & that his Xmas present is a cage.
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@SatansTongue: *Dentistry school* Here's your final: *stabs student* Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?" FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!
@junkyardigan: I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn't. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
@Super_Cynthia: I sleep with my clothes on and one eye open. Not because I'm scared, but my zipper is broken and I've had too much botox on one side.
@KindOfASmartass: I don't steal my tweets from song lyrics! Seriously. Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here.