@mdob11: I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.
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@matt___nelson: [interrogation] Where were you last night? "Out killing people" Louder for the tape [leans in] "The Cheesecake Factory, that's where I was"
@truegritrumble: HER: You almost ready to go to my mothers? ME: *looking out window wondering if the jump will only break a leg & not kill me* Be right down.
@WilliamAder: My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else.