@PinkCamoTO: I think the elementary school music teacher was overly optimistic when she said we may recognize this next song.
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@jonnysun: DETROIT: im doing a secret show at 8pm tonigt at a small club dowmtown! mesage me for details!!! ME: omg a talkimg city
@jokesuk: Woman: Does Viagra work? Pharmacist: Yes Woman: Can you get it over the counter? Pharmacist: Yes if I take two!
@vanderheydensax: "Well, you only live once." - Guy, convincing himself to skydive "Well, you only live once." - Me, convincing myself not to skydive
@3sunzzz: [first day in prison] "I need to speak to management. There is no way I can use this generic bar soap on my face."