@AntiSemanticShw: I think the hardest part about being a cashier is telling the girl buying 3 pregnancy tests to "Have a nice day"
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@Marcmywords2: Mom She gave me life She gave me love She gave me sarcasm She gave me the ability to cut brake lines so that it looks like an accident.
@KizerBillhelm: My friend just ordered a kale and quinoa salad and a side of eggplant fries and now I'm blinded by whiteness.
@david8hughes: [at the gun store] Me: I'll take that gun & a box of ammo Clerk: that'll be $250 Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no