@cheeky__gal: I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can't tell because I'm eating Doritos.
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@DWaitress: You're right, sir. It's MY fault that your credit card was declined. Please, tell me again how much money you have in that account.
@FilthyMacrame: I'm a man who hates rocks *smashes a rock with a sledgehammer* oh great I just made like a thousand more rocks
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Febreze commercial: "Now we remove her blindfold and..." *has panic attack, stabs camera man, vomits, jumps out closed window*
@philyuck: Hi I'm here for my vasectomy. "Would you like that toasted?" What? "Haha whoops sorry, just came from my other job. Ok let's do this."