@cheeky__gal: I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can't tell because I'm eating Doritos.
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@BuckyIsotope: I'll always remember what my dad told me right before he died: "of course you're supposed to use that much lighter fluid idiot."
@ChrisThayerSays: I bought quick oats and two days later my roommate showed up with instant oats. I will not be humiliated; I must find an even sooner oat.
@AmishPornStar1: Son, your insistence on dismembering all of your siblings is tearing this family apart!