@cheeky__gal: I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can't tell because I'm eating Doritos.
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@PopSlapFunk: When 13 witches collectively fart in a cauldron and quickly cover it with a lid... *lowers shades* ...Dutch Coven.
@KeetPotato: doc: "your dad's been in a coma for 9 days, we're running out of ideas" me: "let me try" [goes to adjust thermostat] dad: [opens one eye]
@heymonroe: There aren't enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.