@Dschnoeb: I think the only girl I know that hasn't said "you're like a brother to me" is my sister.
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@TheGoodGodAbove: Congrats to #LeonardoDiCaprio on his first Best Actor Oscar. You can stop sacrificing goats now.
@SergioValenCo: I don't tweet about my boss because I don't wanna be a suspect when he disappears.
@SortaBad: saleslady: can I help you "yes, how many leg holes do these pants have?" saleslady: ummm just the usual two "nice, nice"