@DeanB15: I think the only job requirement you need to become a TSA agent, is to know how to do a really good eye roll while you're chewing gum.
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@WheelTod: [Interview] "Why'd you leave ur last job?" My boss felt threatened by me [Flashback to juggling lighters after dousing boss in gasoline]
@newportdaddy: Michelle Obama & Melania Trump meeting: *shaking hands* Michelle: Hi, I'm Michelle. Melania: Hi, I'm Michelle.
@DurtMcHurtt: All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don't even remember what he did anymore.
@WittySassBasket: I like to finish my pelvic exam by asking the doctor 'hey, where'd your watch go?'