@cjwerleman: I think the only thing Fox News hasn't yet accused Michael Brown of is stealing Darren Wilson's bullets. #ferguson
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@Brianhopecomedy: Got really excited when my wife said she was going to teach me something new in the bedroom until she started folding a fitted sheet.
@cuntrystronggal: I'm sorry you got offended that one time you were treated the same way you treat everyone all the time.
@KattsDogma: "How about we go with a gerund, but, like, maybe just half a gerund." - How ING Bank got its name