@summerofbenny: "I think this chlorine is healing my anal fissure." - Things not to say in a swimming pool. Apparently.
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@AndrewNadeau0: Because of aquariums I thought I loved marine biology but it turns out I just really like the idea of fish prison.
@mrjohndarby: Interviewer: So you say you think you'd make a good addition here at our aquarium. Can you expand on that? Puffer fish: Yes. Yes I can
@Super_Cynthia: In 1979, a call coming from inside the house was a reason for terror. In 2014, it means one of you is too lazy to shout or come downstairs.
@carlyken: I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of ending up in a nursing home with a roommate who has Justin Bieber posters and Twilight shirts.