@NJFreudian: I think twitter is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
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@QwertyJones3: [Starbucks] "Yes, I'd like a venti skinny soy half-sweet one-pump caramel macchiato half-caff extra whip, please." Barista: Is Pepsi ok?
@Jay_FrickinLynn: I accidently opened the fitness app and my phone immediately called to report itself stolen.
@Brampersandon_: ME: *eating fast food* VEGAN GUY: You eat that stuff? ME: Yeah VG: That stuff is gonna kill you ME: *visibly annoyed* not soon enough