@RobertJrDowney: I think Voldemort's face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
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@rohoxbaby: Every Facebook post: *Girl posts lyrics* Elderly woman comments "Hi lucy. you're so grown up. We miss you. Tell your mom ill call Wednesday"
@aveuaskew: If you hit a car that is blaring Christmas music before Thanksgiving, it will deploy tinsel instead of airbags.
@wendchymes: My Boyfriend hates it when we role play and I'm the Doctor cause I make him wait 3 hours bill him then send in a med student named Chad.
@mrjohndarby: Friend: *opening his front door* Oh, it's you. But the dinner party is tomorrow Me: It's ok. I'll wait