@RobertJrDowney: I think Voldemort's face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
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@onion_an: Police chief: So what do we know about the serial killer? Detective: He's white Other detective: A muscular build Me: He kills people
@SteveSuckington: [comes home from store] Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess... earmuffs were on sale? Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?
@texasstalkermom: Want his attention? Send nudes Want to piss him off? When he responds, reply "Oops, wrong person"
@edgeoftheword: And then alcohol said "Put that on facebook, it's hilarious." But alcohol was wrong. So very wrong.