@AlbertBrooks: I think we should elect Bernie. When Isis hears a Jew is president they will all have heart attacks and die.
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@3sunzzz: Every time my husband wakes me up to tell me I'm snoring we end up having sex. I'm beginning to question whether or not I snore.
@EvanJKessler: Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you're not being arrested?
@ramblinma: No, officer, I haven't been drinking; my toddler just needed to hand me everything from the back seat.