@Somerandomhonky: I think we should hear adeles boyfriends songs before we pick sides.
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@dafloydsta: [on Dating Game] HER: Contestant 1, what are you wearing? [I glance at the stains on my shirt] ME: *lips on mic* Looks like gravy, Diane.
@somelightcrying: Ever find a mirror that makes you look really good and you're like oh OK this is where I live now I live in this airport restroom now
@kentgrossarth: Girlfriend: Have you ever been with a fat chick? Me: Nope, you're the first one. Gf: What? Me: What?