@Fruit_Slinger: I think weed is messing with my memory. I can't remember shit anymore! I think it's because weed is messing with my memory.
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@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: I love the idea of marriage. What are your thoughts on it? ME: [trying to impress her] I have 6 wives
@stevevsninjas: Therapist: We must remove our masks and express our true selves Yoga instructor: True Nutritionist: So wise Raccoon: This is bullshit, Alan
@House_Feminist: I hope people think my toddler has a slight English accent bc we're so cultured and not bc she's basically been raised by Peppa Pig
@lifecoachfit: The most stable relationship I've had is with a guy at the gym who has no idea we've been dating for the past year.