@KentWGraham: I think when calories reach a certain point snack companies should be allowed to say “You don’t want to know” on the nutrition label.
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@MGigger: I collect all cell phones and iPads from the kids at night and keep them in my room. Last night those little ***holes all set alarms to go off at various times throughout the night. I’m impressed with their ingenuity and team effort. They’re all grounded.
@: me: *teaching* 1st grader: *raises hand* me: *continues to teach* 1st grader: *waves arm frantically* me: *keeps teaching* 1st grader: *stands up, forehead veins bursting* me: yes what is your question 1st grader: I BET YOU CANT GUESS HOW OLD MY GRANDPA IS
@TheCiscoKidder: After I beat my dad in Go Fish, I like to shit in my underwear to celebrate. -My son, apparently