@juliussharpe: I think Yahoo! news is written by someone who's had significant head trauma.
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@RidiculousSheri: Love means never having to say you're sorry for accidentally bringing home six more cats.
@RidiculousSheri: My boyfriend has the body of a god! Or the body of God. Okay, he's like the body of Christ. What I mean is, he's a round white cracker.
@bakedbrotatoes: -This is my son Michelangelo. -Oh, like the artist. -Um no like the Ninja Turtle.
@AmishPornStar1: Pro Tip: You can disable the surveillance camera in your microwave by heating a metal fork on the high setting for 7 minutes.