@Matt_The_1st: I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks
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@AnOrangeSNES: *Lowers thermostat* *Dad puts it back* *Lowers thermostat again* *Dad puts it back again* The real Cold War
@SaraMansford: So I called up the Captain, please bring me my wine. He said: "ma'am, this is a cruise. Please don't call me again if there's no emergency"
@Brianhopecomedy: Lying on the hammock while my wife does yard work. Don't know exactly what she's planting but the hole she dug is slightly bigger than me.
@CollegeHumor: Apparently the Burger King account is suspended while they think of a stronger password than "horsemeat".