@morbidgrrrl: i thought about this and shot snot
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@TheGladStork: Wife: why are you smiling? [realizing if Blue from Blue's Clues and Clifford had puppies they'd be purple] Me: I was thinking about you.
@brichie13: "You think only God can judge you?" *Judge Judy spins around in chair to face you* "Well THINK AGAIN!" *bangs gavel so hard it breaks*
@TheRealRHB: Whoever first said "No news is good news" never had their cable & Internet go out for two days
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: have you been taking your diabetes meds daily? PATIENT: no DR DOG: *hits him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper* Bad patient!